Another confession. Sorry this is a gross one.

   So I have already posted pictures of my face in all out war with my skin, with no makeup, and close up, so you have already seen me ways I would never ever let someone in real life see me so I might as well admit to it all. It's safe to be open and honest behind a keyboard. I am a picker. I pick at my face constantly. I don't know why, and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I most of the time I don't even consciously do it. When I realize I do it I stop....most of the time. My mom even today at the age of 33 will tell me to stop or smack my hand. LOL.

   I know that picking at it delays the healing of even causes scarring and me touching my face just introduces more bacteria to my face but I can't help it! I can't seem to stop. I was the little kid who always picked scabs. I have always hated the rough texture or the dry flaky texture. I know I do it a lot more when I am stressed and I tend to do it when I am zoning out watching T.V. or something but I just don't know how to stop.

   With my rosacea being mostly p&p my face tends to be really scabby feeling and dry. It doesn't LOOK scabby but it feels it and the more I pick, the more scabby it becomes. It's an endless cycle. If I could just leave my face alone and not freaking touch it I am sure it would heal ten times faster but I can't seem to do that. It's like a compulsion. So there you have it, I have never admitted it (but I am sure most people notice because I can't keep my hand off my face) I am a picker. Sorry that is really gross.


P.S. I am still drinking coke.....going to hang my head and shame and try not to pick. Night everyone. 

So I must confess I have an addiction....

   So when I was on the oracea I could eat and drink anything basically and not have an issue, this has now changed. I have an addiction to coke, not the white powdery stuff but the liquid sugar kind that comes in a red can. I KNOW its bad for me in so many ways but I love it. LOVE IT. I have tried to cut back to a can a day and most days I follow that but I have been breaking that rule a lot lately. If I don't drink a can I can get a headache and I become a bit of a bitch. It's an addiction.

   I know that certain foods or drink can cause flushing but I have been in denial of this well known fact wanting to believe that it didn't apply to me. Well it does, and I am now coming to terms with that and starting to acknowledge this fact. It sucks, but for the last few days I have been noticing my face flushing when I drink a coke and the other day when I ate a slice of pizza. I didn't want to believe it (deny, deny, deny) but my face wasn't hurting at all today when I woke up then I popped open a coke had a swig and almost immediately my face started to get hot, burn and itch. There is no denying it, I have to give up the coke.

   I have been wanting to eat better and live healthier for other reason like to lose weight (the double chin in my pictures is also helping me with my denial of being overweight) and just to be healthier in general. My father died at 46 and I don't want that to be me. So it looks like my rosacea will help me get into gear with that and make sure I will stay on track. I am going to start keeping a log of what I eat and what makes me flush. I know I should have been doing this but again, I like to live in denial.

    I have been told buy countless people that I should try gluten free, that it will help with my rosacea and my PCOS but I am not sure I want to jump on that bandwagon yet. I'm stubborn, I'm a Taurus, I have to try every other way I think might help before I take the path I am told will help but I don't want to follow. So for now I will be cutting out beef, poultry and pork, I did this for a while and I felt better, looked better, and lost weight without even trying. Plus it is easier to follow I don't have to read a bunch of labels and ask a billion questions at restaurants, either something has meat in it or doesn't. If this doesn't work I guess I will give in and go gluten free. GRRR. I have one coke left, I know I shouldn't drink it but I know I will. I will savor every last drop slowly and enjoy my last coke.