Super quick update!

   So I am just going to give a super quick update. My face has been really great. I haven't had a mite pustule in forever thank god, I do occasionally get a pimple, like a real pimple but that is just life. I do still have some mild redness on my face but the only thing that will help that will be lasers, I had my face zapped a few years ago and it helped and I need to do it again but it's not super bad so I am not really worrying about it yet. If I get hot or sick my face turns REALLY red, but other than that it's just a little flushed all the time. I got a job working at a doggy daycare which I love, I am still working on being a midwife. Other than that things are the same. I do plan on starting to work on other areas of myself like my weight. I'm not miserable with my body, I don't hate it, but I would like to be healthier and live a healthier life (I say this as I plan to stop at the store and grab a coke on my way to work -_-) I just really need to be healthier and losing weight wouldn't be a bad thing. I am FAR from skinny, but I'm okay with being fat, yes I said it I'm fat. So I would like to lost around 50 lbs even though according to BMI I need to lose like 70 to be on the high end. I am thinking about starting a blog to help me be accountable but we will see. Anyways back to the face, here are some pictures I just took. Still doing argan and tea tree oil, and occasionally if I get a zit a friend had some proactive stuff she didn't use anymore and I will use it as a spot treatment and it helps clear it up faster. It's still wierd to run my hands across my face and for it to be smooth. Especially since my nervous tick use to be picking (gross, I know). Okay off to the pictures! And yes I know for some reason I am giving major duck face, I have no excuse for it, I didn't even realize I was doing it. You can see I had a pimple right below the corner of my mouth but it's gone and healing now. At this moment I don't have a single pimple or bump, just healing remains. It blows my mind still.

Another confession. Sorry this is a gross one.

   So I have already posted pictures of my face in all out war with my skin, with no makeup, and close up, so you have already seen me ways I would never ever let someone in real life see me so I might as well admit to it all. It's safe to be open and honest behind a keyboard. I am a picker. I pick at my face constantly. I don't know why, and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I most of the time I don't even consciously do it. When I realize I do it I stop....most of the time. My mom even today at the age of 33 will tell me to stop or smack my hand. LOL.

   I know that picking at it delays the healing of even causes scarring and me touching my face just introduces more bacteria to my face but I can't help it! I can't seem to stop. I was the little kid who always picked scabs. I have always hated the rough texture or the dry flaky texture. I know I do it a lot more when I am stressed and I tend to do it when I am zoning out watching T.V. or something but I just don't know how to stop.

   With my rosacea being mostly p&p my face tends to be really scabby feeling and dry. It doesn't LOOK scabby but it feels it and the more I pick, the more scabby it becomes. It's an endless cycle. If I could just leave my face alone and not freaking touch it I am sure it would heal ten times faster but I can't seem to do that. It's like a compulsion. So there you have it, I have never admitted it (but I am sure most people notice because I can't keep my hand off my face) I am a picker. Sorry that is really gross.


P.S. I am still drinking coke.....going to hang my head and shame and try not to pick. Night everyone.