Hmmm.

   So it's Friday night and what am I doing, sitting at home reading rosacea forums. lol. Some things never change. I guess I should have taken a picture to put on here but I forget sorry. I will post a picture of me from yesterday. I was wearing lipstick (which I never do) so I thought I should take a picture to prove to my friend I do indeed wear makeup from time to time. I still only wear translucent mineral powder on my face. I'm still pretty cautious about what I put on it, even my costume makeup is professional stage makeup and I am always using new sponges and washing my brushed really good. I have this fear that all of a sudden I am going to wake up and my face is going to go back to being really bad and the tto isn't going to work any more and I have no other options. I know, I'm obsessive.

   Anyways, as I was looking at the forum I seen someone say "go check out Kisha's blog" and I thought "Hey! That's me!" LOL. It's so funny because I mean I know a few people read this because every once and a while someone will comment but it's still funny that someone would use my little journal as a reference. It made me feel good, like maybe me posting these humiliating pictures for the world to see might actually help someone. If so that's pretty awesome. Even if my method doesn't work to clear someone else's face, if someone else even just reads this and my feelings and how low I felt and realizes that they are not alone in this, it's worth it.

   So anyways of anyone on here is from the rosacea forum and if you have any questions or anything feel free to message me on here or the forum. I get all of my oils, herbs, everything from Mountain Rose Herbs. I highly recommend them. I have also started making my own soap, body butter, lotion, everything. I want to know what is going on my skin and is being absorbed. As far as makeup I am doing the mineral makeup unless it's costume stuff.

Okay so here is a really random picture of me that really has no comparison capabilities at all. But this is me in natural light (obviously) lipstick, mascara and a light translucent powder. You can see I have a little rosy cheeks, I just consider it natural blush, but no flaming red, scaly, bumpy skin. But see I am not always really scary looking! I can go out in public without making small children run!

Me blabbering about ....

      So I started to write this as a response to someone who has read my blog and thanked me and told me they were to shy to put up pictures. I have actually had a lot of people thanking me for the pictures and well, your welcome. When I was starting out I use to try to look at every picture I could find and try to compare my face to theirs, is mine worse, is their's worse, is their treatment working things like that. The frustrating part is we are all so ashamed of our faces none of us post pictures! I didn't find a whole lot of pictures besides the ones that doctors had taken or grainy pictures people took of their face in a current state asking for advice but not a whole lot. So when I decided to keep a journal taking those pictures wasn't easy...at all. At first I was just going to do it so I can see my progress and then I decided to post them so maybe I can help others. So once I decided I was going to post pictures on here, I wasn't going to show my whole face in case someone might know me or because I was embarrassed that's why my first pictures only show the bottom half of my face. Then I just said forget it, you know what it is what it is, maybe if the people in my life see what my face REALLY looks like they will understand it a little better. So that is where I am at today. This is my face, it's the only one I have, so deal with it and if my pictures help someone else great, I'm not going to lie it was and is really hard to put a picture of myself barefaced into the world but it's to late now! Sometimes it's just nice to see another face like yours and know that you are not the only person dealing with this. Well with that being said no one in my personal life knows about my blog... at all. To me pictures are everything, I get hope from visualization so when I was having a bad day I could look back and be like, well it could be worse.

           The hardest part of having rosacea for me is trying to explain rosacea to people that don't have it. They just don't get it! First they don't understand that it is physically painful, they just think you have pink rosy cheeks, it HURTS. Your face feels swollen and tight and it throbs and it feels like it has been in a meat grinder and it's hot, it's just miserable. I would put cold wet wash clothes on my face and it would feel soooo good. Also they don't get that it's your FACE. It's the first thing people see when they great you and meet you, it's the first impression you give, you can't hide it. You can try to hide it with makeup but you know that heavy makeup is just going to leave you in physical pain later because it's so harsh. It's just as much as an emotional/mental disease as it is physical and other people don't get it. The only people that will get it is others who are going through the same things. When I would get upset and not want to leave my house or cancel plans with friends I would get unsympathetic response of "It's just your face...get over it" I got tired of hearing that. It's easy for others to say because their insecurities can be hidden, their flaws are not on display. So that is where the blog name came from. Every single day, EVERY day, at least one (usually more) person would tell me I look flush or like I got sun or how rosy my cheeks are or ask if I was feeling ok or if I had a fever. I was so sick of it I wanted to just wear a shirt that said "yes my face is red, thanks for pointing it out I would have never known". If someone is really fat people don't point it out, if they are going bald they don't point it out but people have no problem pointing out your face. It is just plain rude.

      So basically that whole rant was to say this. Thank you for reading my blog, thank you for the support and encouragement and all the kind words. I hope if you find this and feel like you are all alone and don't plan on leaving your house ever again you can realize you are not! There are other people out their suffering and hurting physically and emotionally and it can get better! Sorry about typos and shit not making sense, I never re-read before posting (I should) or spell check. I basically have used this as a journal and just let things spill out as they come. Probably explains why things are so all over the place. So yeah, that's it for tonight! I think I will post again tomorrow.

Oh yeah

    So when I did my update I forgot to mention that not only has my skin been looking great but I have also been putting it through hell. Living in New Orleans we have a lot of social clubs and krewes and groups and I joined one! I am a member of a bone krewe called Skinz N Bonez. Anyways, we dress up as dia de los muertos or day of the dead for events and parades and such, and being in New Orleans we have a bunch of these types of events. So what does this have to do with my face? I have been putting it through hell with all of the makeup and glue and glitter and it has been staying pretty consistent. I get a pimple every now and then but who wouldn't with all of this. So here is a few pictures of the things I have been putting my face through.

Long over due update.

   Sorry for anyone that has been waiting for an update, life has been super busy with school and trying to find steady work and apprenticeship and well....just life. So I have just been using the tea tree soap to bathe with and the tea tree oil/argan oil mixture once a day before bed. My redness has DRASTICALLY reduced, I don't really get pustules anymore, I actually can't think of the last time I got one. I do get pimples now and then and actually just had two right next to each other on my lip so it looked like one GIGANTIC zit. Just in time for the holidays! So that is basically been it, my face has been such a none issue lately it's amazing, especially since it had been a battle for YEARS and was ruining my life. It still blows my mind that a bottle of oil I bought for 10 dollars months ago was the answer all along. Okay on to the pictures. You will see that I have the large double decker pimple healing on my lip, it's going away now, but other than that no blemishes.

Finally an update!

So sorry I haven't done an update in a while. Life has been insane to say the least. I got laid off from work, and been trying to get money for school and life has just been crazy stressful. The one thing that hasn't been stressful is my face. It hasn't been perfect but it is soooo much better than it once was. I still get a pimple  or two and every once and a while I can feel a mite crawling around but my face looks just as good now as it ever did on prescription meds. It's a lot less red but if you look close at my face the red is little spider veins that need to be zapped again. I tried to take a picture up close so you can see. So I am still not "washing" my face, just rinsing with water and putting the Argan oil/Tea Tree Oil on before bed at night. My face isn't dry at all anymore it feels soft and it's not dry or flaky at all and it's not oily either. No more lizard skin. I know it sounds crazy to NOT wash your face but I think the oils are strong enough to cleanse it and my pores have shrunk a lot on my nose. If I am wearing makeup I will use Clinique makeup remover for heavy makeup (I have been doing trial runs for Halloween) or just those little disposable wipes you can get and I just use those on my eyes, the oil takes of the rest of my makeup. I'm really surprised that my face has stayed so happy because I have been being kind of harsh to it the last week. I have been practicing Halloween makeup and doing trial runs to see what will work. With all of that make up on and off I thought for sure I was going to have a face freak out, especially with all the stress, but nope. So I am going to load a bunch of pictures on here. My face today, a kind of journey collage and a side by side of what I think is my lowest point and now and just for fun some of the makeup stuff I have been doing so you can see how I am putting my skin to the test. I have not given up my coke or gone gluten free but I have been eating MUCH healthier and a mostly plant based diet, I have meat here and there, mostly seafood. Anyways on to the pictures

Day....I lost count, since June 2013.

Worst and now side by side

I promise I will update tomorrow!

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry it has been forever, just wanted to say I have not forgotten about this blog life has just been.....crazy. I plan on taking pictures and updating tomorrow, I promise!

Day 49, looking good!

   Sorry again about not really keeping up with this like I should. I have been working 12 hour shifts for the last 5 days. I'm exhausted. Anyways, my face is looking really good, redness is minimal, no new pustules or pimples and the old ones are gone and healing. I'm sure they would heal faster if I would just leave them alone and quick picking at my face. I need to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap myself every time I catch myself doing it. Oh, all of the dry skin is gone, it is all soft and smooth again.

   So as of now I am not washing my face with anything, I use the oils to remove makeup and everything but I try not to wear makeup which I can do once again and not hide my face in shame. I put on the TTO/Agran mixture each night before work and I bring a little bottle with me and if I feel any creepy crawly I put more one. I haven't felt any in about two days so that is good. I drink the borax when I think about it, it's not something I do religiously or anything. I am about to attempt a 10 day juice fast starting on August 2nd. That will be interesting. After that I plan on maintaining a mostly plant based diet. Okay on to the pictures. God these look like prison mugshots. I swear I have not taken a decent picture, or maybe I really do just look this bad. LOL. Anyways, soon I am going to do another side by side so you can see how far my face has come just using tto.

Day 49

Day 44.

   Sorry I have been really busy with work and clinical for school so I haven't had much time to write. Not to much has changed with my face, it's not as nice as it once was but I am still in that second outbreak period so I hope once this is over, it's over for good. My face isn't nearly as red but I do still get some breakouts but not nearly as bad. I have been feeling the creepy little suckers move again so they are definitely hatching and making a return, then dying hence the breakouts. As long as they keep dying that is all that matters. I am still using just the tea tree/argan oil mixture on my face and nothing else. My skin is finally getting over being dry again and is soft and smooth once more. That is really nice, I think I hate the dry flaky skin more than the break out. So that is about all right now. Starting August 2nd I will be doing a juice fast and then returning to my mostly plant based diet and I am hoping it will have a positive effect on not just my body and health but also my skin. Ok now I will shut up and post some pictures.

Day 44

Day 37. Looking good.

   So my face is looking better and better. I still have some dry spots left from the nu-stock but they are getting smaller and smaller and my soft skin is coming back. My face is getting less red by the day. I am almost back to the point of being okay to leave my house without makeup again. I mean my skin is leaps and bounds better than it was.

   So I am still not using soap on my face or any face cleansing products, just oil to clean it. I think the tto is strong enough and it removes make up really well. I have noticed that all of the blackheads and large pores on my nose that I have had since puberty started are really shrinking, some I can't even see. It's pretty amazing. I am still putting honey on my face is it feels really tight and dry and I have been putting shea butter on my face when I think about it and I am at home.

   Okay as for pictures, I took a few in the car when I was waiting for the ferry this morning on my way home from work. They lighting was good but I am wearing some makeup but it's 12 hours old and mostly worn off. I took a few more when I got home and took off the makeup and I took a few close ups of the dry scaly skin so you can see what I am talking about. It is almost gone now, it was a lot worse. I think in a few more days it will be all gone. Sorry the close ups are gross but everything about mites living in your skin and rosacea is kinda gross.

Day 37

Day 35. Getting better

   Sorry it has been a busy few days. My face is getting better, I did have a few pustules pop back up but they are already going away. The hives from the nu-stock are going away too which is awesome. My face doesn't itch anymore which is the biggest relief. My face is still a little sunburned looking but that is getting better and I can cover it with makeup but I am hoping it will go away like it did eventually after I used it the first time. Right now I am back in lizard mode with the flaky scaly skin. It is really annoying because it feels like a coat of armor that nothing can penetrate and no matter what I put in it never feels hydrated and when I do have makeup on to cover the redness you can literally see dry scales on my face. I am hoping like along with the redness this to shall go away like it did the last time I used nu-stock.

   Other than that my face looks pretty decent. I have a few little blemishes but even those are healing and going away. Crossing my fingers that my face goes back to how it was a week ago soon. It was so nice. I really have no reason to think that it won't especially since I KNOW it is possible. Okay on to the pictures. Sorry for the dead look, I had just woken up and was running late. I swear I really need to take a decent picture of me one of these days and post it.

Day 35

Sometimes you have to learn the hard way

   Yep, defiantly an allergic reaction to the nu-stock. My face is pretty red, not the reddest it has ever been, but red and I have hives and it ITCHES and it's hot to the touch. It itches so bad. I did a test spot on my arm and it didn't react so I guess my face is just allergic to it. Weird. No more nu-stock for me, the itching might drive me mad. On a side note, I didn't have any new p&p.

The itching is back

   So my face doesn't look any worse today but it usually takes a few days for the buggers to die and then for my skin to react. Right now it just itches, BAD. I think I am slightly allergic to the nu-stock or it just aggravates my skin. It's definitely not crawly mite itch, it's more like mosquito bite itch, especially behind my ears and on my forehead. I also noticed the they lymph nodes right in front of my ears are swollen and it was like that before when I did the nu-stock. Maybe that is why I got so sick, it was my body expressing all the toxins because those nodes had went down a lot. Anyways this is just me thinking out loud. The itching is really going to drive me insane. Oh and my skin is still soft and not dry...yet. 

Day 31, All good things must come to an end

   So my face was beautiful and it was really nice but all good things must come to an end. Actually it's not bad, I did develop a few p&p today but nothing bad. I knew it was coming so I am not freaking out....Yet. I went back and looked at the time line and it said

Week 2-3:During this period, you’ll experience the most severe breakout of the entire treatment. Your skin will become more dry and clusters of bumps similar to a mosquito bite might surface in affected areas. Don’t become alarmed or disgruntled during this difficult time. If you experience a breakout, it’s due to the dead demodex mites under your skin. As their bodies decay, the demodex produces bacteria inside the follicles of your skin. Once the bacteria is gone, the bumps will disappear and healthy skin will be revealed.  ( Yep, This is pretty much what happened. They could have warned how bad this would be)

Week 4:Noticeable improvements to your skin will become apparent. (Yep, my skin has been beautiful as you have seen)

Week 5-7:You’ll experience a series of light rashes and breakouts during this period. It won’t be nearly as bad as the initial “die-off” stage during weeks 2 and 3, but it might seem like a setback (it’s not). These breakouts are caused by the decaying demodex mites that recently hatched from the eggs of the demodex parents killed weeks prior. After this group of offspring are eliminated, you’ll begin enjoying clear and healthy skin.  (This is me now, it better not be as bad as before!) 

   So I have reached week 5 and now I am having some more die off which in return means p&p. My face isn't red and there is not as many in the usual areas, they are more on my temples and sides of my face where before they were mostly on my chin and cheeks. I have reached week 5, I'm not calling it a setback just part of the process. Like I said I just hope it doesn't get AS bad as before. 

   I decided to go ahead and do the nu-stock tonight. I might do it every few days through these next weeks but not everyday, it's just too strong. I forgot to take pictures until after I had applied it already so sorry about looking greasy and kinda gross, also it's night time so I didn't get good natural light pictures but you get the idea. Not bad, but not as good as it was. Also sorry I look a little crazy, I have been sick and feel like crap. 

Day 31

Sorry everyone.

   So I am still sick, I think it's mostly severe allergies but I haven't really dragged myself out of bed much. Stuffy nose, head congestion, clogged ears the works. When I start feeling better I will keep updating. Right now everything is still looking good. I still look like the last pictures, no p&p, face is not perfectly pale but as close to it as my face gets due to broken blood vessels on my cheeks, only lasers will help that. Still just doing the tea tree/argan oil at night and the internal borax once a day. My face is really soft and smooth and not dry at all which is amazing. Even when my face was clear on the oreacea it was still really dry. My face feels so soft I just want to rub all the time and my mom will be like "was does your face feel like now? can I touch it?" LOL. She knows how bumpy and dry and gross it felt before, sometimes like sandpaper. I think she is pretty surprised by it all too. Okay, I am going back to bed. I will hopefully feel better and update soon. 

Day 27, Happy 4th of July!

Okay, sorry I haven't updated, still sick but getting better. I was actually able to get out of bed and take a few pictures to post today. Still doing just the 50/50 argan oil/ tea tree oil at night before bed but that is all I have been doing the last few days. I was a little scared my skin was going to revolt but it hasn't. I keep waiting for it to explode on me, like a ticking time bomb but it just keeps getting better. I almost feel like if I talk about how good my skin is looking that it will explode on me. That and I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around the face that cheap over the counter stuff has made my face look better than it ever has. Ever. My texture is looking great, it's smoothing out. Not a single pustule and my pimples are healing and I don't have any new ones, my face is slightly pink by with a little makeup it's normal. It's pretty fucking amazing. Okay I am going to post picture and go back to bed. Full face and close ups. Happy 4th of July.

Day 27

Sorry.

   I know there isn't a whole lot of people that read or follow this blog but I am sick today so no update or pictures. I'm crawling back into bed. 

Day 23, sorry I missed a day.

   Sorry I missed a day, my sister was in town from Texas and she is newly engaged so the day was filled with wedding stuff.  Yeah. Okay back to the face. My is looking really good, I have 2-3 actual pimples that are healing and have nothing to do with the rosacea, I'm just lucky like that and get pimples just because. The dry skin is starting to go away, I haven't done anything special but it's starting to go away. When I think about it I put some shea butter on it, but that is it. I did notice that my face flushed last night while eating crawfish, that sucked but I sure as hell am not giving up crawfish. First time I have flushed in a few days so I thought I would mention it.

   I have to say, I am STILL amazed that my face looks just as good now by using oils and natural products as it did when I was taking expensive meds that are not good for you anyway. I am actually confident enough with my face again that I am willing to go out in public with no makeup again. I have never been one of those girls that wears makeup to the store, so it's nice that I can go back to being mostly makeup free. I was going to do closeups of the dry scaly skin, but it's gone. The texture is improving which is good and I noticed that the large pores that I have had on my nose since I hit puberty are starting to get smaller. Nice bonus. Okay so on to the pictures.

Day 23

Day 21, Look at that I put on a shirt!

   Day 21, not much has changed. Sorry if this is kinda boring but I like that my face is becoming kind of boring. Still just using the tea tree oil/argan oil 50/50 mix, I will probably pick one day a week and due the nu-stock/coconut oil mixture just to make sure things stay at bay and do the borax soak every second or third day. I have been drinking the borax mixture everyday for the last 3 days, I don't seem to be having any negative side effects and I can't taste it so why not.

   My face is REALLY dry still despite the honey mask and the pure shea butter I have been putting on. I think this is making my face itch now and not the mites. It's a different itch, the mites you can actually feel moving and it's really gross. I still get that every once and I while and when I do I hit that spot with a dab of tea tree oil and laugh an evil laugh as they die. Boowawahahahahaha. Yeah, kinda like that. So now I just have to find a balance to keeping the mites under control and keeping my face from cracking like the desert landscape. It's not so obvious unless you are right in my face like I am in the mirror all the time or if I am wearing makeup which I don't do a whole lot. So yeah, that is about it for now. Picture time! Oh and I was even nice enough to put on a shirt for you this time. Feeling fancy.....your welcome. One last thing, I haven't been doing close ups because there really isn't anything to see like the bazillions of p&p before but tomorrow when the sun is back I will try to get close ups so you can see how everything looks and how dry my skin is. Any tips on helping with that would be much appreciated!

Day 21

Day 20...and I'm feeling good.

   So it is now day 20 on my journey. I feel like it has been so much longer than that, it has been such an up and down 20 days. I haven't done the nu-stock in a few days, I think it is so harsh it isn't something I can do daily, maybe a once a week thing. I mean it REALLY does a big kill when you use it so it is worth it but it really is drying. Last night my face was so dry I just felt like I had this layer of dry dead skin that nothing was penetrating so I did an exfoliate with honey. So much better now, my face feels soft and smooth, such a nice change.

   Last night I did another borax bath, I soaked for about 20 minutes. My whole body loves it, even my dry feet are softer, it's pretty amazing stuff. I didn't want to mention this until I was sure I was going to stick with it but the last two days I have been doing the internal borax also. You can read more about it here. I don't recommend anyone doing anything that I am doing, I am just telling you what I do and documenting MY results. Also just because I have a particular result doesn't mean you will have the same results.

  Basically I have mixing 1/8th teaspoon of borax with a liter of water and sipping it throughout the day/night. It seems like such a little amount that it wouldn't do anything but I haven't been wanting to scratch my skin off so that is good. I can't taste it and I haven't had any other issues with it so far so I am sticking with it. I swear I am throwing everything I can find at these mites. Tea tree oil, nu-stock, honey, borax, everything lol. And just so people don't think I see something and just do it I do a LOT of reading, research and contemplating before trying any of these things and I suggest you do the same. Okay now on to the pictures.

These pictures are pretty accurate to color and everything. I am making horrible faces because the sun is shining right on face and in my eyes. But with all that natural light comes the most accurate pictures. I have one pimple under my nose that is healing and everything else that you see is drying up and healing. Nothing new and active, I just wish my texture would improve but I am sure it will over time and after everything heals completely.

Day 20

Day 19

   So last night I put on the argan oil/tea tree oil mixture before I left for work. I am giving my face a little break from the Nu-stock, my face seemed to have a slight pink ting all over and it was super drying and my face just needed a break. Okay back to last night, so I brought my oil with me to work and whenever I felt one moving making me insane I put some oil on it.

   My face is much paler than it was but it is still pink, especially on my cheeks but  I think a lot of that is broken capillaries that I need to have zapped again. My forehead is still covered in a bazillion bumps that itch like crazy and I have gotten a bunch behind my ears that itch too. Another reason I am giving my face a break from the nu-stock is I can tell that the chemicals were burning my skin a little because I looked like a wearing a slight pink mask and my skin was pale around my eyes. It isn't enough for anyone else to notice but I could.

   Did I mention my forehead itches like crazy? Later today I am going to take a borax soak in the tub, but for now pictures. I am not going to do the up close ones because there is nothing to see. I don't have any new pustules just a pimple, well on my face anyways. I am starting to get some on my chest, hence the borax bath. So weird that I can say I have no new pustule. On to the pictures, sorry I look like I am in pain, the sun was shining in my eyes.

Day 19