Me blabbering about ....

      So I started to write this as a response to someone who has read my blog and thanked me and told me they were to shy to put up pictures. I have actually had a lot of people thanking me for the pictures and well, your welcome. When I was starting out I use to try to look at every picture I could find and try to compare my face to theirs, is mine worse, is their's worse, is their treatment working things like that. The frustrating part is we are all so ashamed of our faces none of us post pictures! I didn't find a whole lot of pictures besides the ones that doctors had taken or grainy pictures people took of their face in a current state asking for advice but not a whole lot. So when I decided to keep a journal taking those pictures wasn't easy...at all. At first I was just going to do it so I can see my progress and then I decided to post them so maybe I can help others. So once I decided I was going to post pictures on here, I wasn't going to show my whole face in case someone might know me or because I was embarrassed that's why my first pictures only show the bottom half of my face. Then I just said forget it, you know what it is what it is, maybe if the people in my life see what my face REALLY looks like they will understand it a little better. So that is where I am at today. This is my face, it's the only one I have, so deal with it and if my pictures help someone else great, I'm not going to lie it was and is really hard to put a picture of myself barefaced into the world but it's to late now! Sometimes it's just nice to see another face like yours and know that you are not the only person dealing with this. Well with that being said no one in my personal life knows about my blog... at all. To me pictures are everything, I get hope from visualization so when I was having a bad day I could look back and be like, well it could be worse.

           The hardest part of having rosacea for me is trying to explain rosacea to people that don't have it. They just don't get it! First they don't understand that it is physically painful, they just think you have pink rosy cheeks, it HURTS. Your face feels swollen and tight and it throbs and it feels like it has been in a meat grinder and it's hot, it's just miserable. I would put cold wet wash clothes on my face and it would feel soooo good. Also they don't get that it's your FACE. It's the first thing people see when they great you and meet you, it's the first impression you give, you can't hide it. You can try to hide it with makeup but you know that heavy makeup is just going to leave you in physical pain later because it's so harsh. It's just as much as an emotional/mental disease as it is physical and other people don't get it. The only people that will get it is others who are going through the same things. When I would get upset and not want to leave my house or cancel plans with friends I would get unsympathetic response of "It's just your face...get over it" I got tired of hearing that. It's easy for others to say because their insecurities can be hidden, their flaws are not on display. So that is where the blog name came from. Every single day, EVERY day, at least one (usually more) person would tell me I look flush or like I got sun or how rosy my cheeks are or ask if I was feeling ok or if I had a fever. I was so sick of it I wanted to just wear a shirt that said "yes my face is red, thanks for pointing it out I would have never known". If someone is really fat people don't point it out, if they are going bald they don't point it out but people have no problem pointing out your face. It is just plain rude.

      So basically that whole rant was to say this. Thank you for reading my blog, thank you for the support and encouragement and all the kind words. I hope if you find this and feel like you are all alone and don't plan on leaving your house ever again you can realize you are not! There are other people out their suffering and hurting physically and emotionally and it can get better! Sorry about typos and shit not making sense, I never re-read before posting (I should) or spell check. I basically have used this as a journal and just let things spill out as they come. Probably explains why things are so all over the place. So yeah, that's it for tonight! I think I will post again tomorrow.

Long over due update.

   Sorry for anyone that has been waiting for an update, life has been super busy with school and trying to find steady work and apprenticeship and well....just life. So I have just been using the tea tree soap to bathe with and the tea tree oil/argan oil mixture once a day before bed. My redness has DRASTICALLY reduced, I don't really get pustules anymore, I actually can't think of the last time I got one. I do get pimples now and then and actually just had two right next to each other on my lip so it looked like one GIGANTIC zit. Just in time for the holidays! So that is basically been it, my face has been such a none issue lately it's amazing, especially since it had been a battle for YEARS and was ruining my life. It still blows my mind that a bottle of oil I bought for 10 dollars months ago was the answer all along. Okay on to the pictures. You will see that I have the large double decker pimple healing on my lip, it's going away now, but other than that no blemishes.

Day 27, Happy 4th of July!

Okay, sorry I haven't updated, still sick but getting better. I was actually able to get out of bed and take a few pictures to post today. Still doing just the 50/50 argan oil/ tea tree oil at night before bed but that is all I have been doing the last few days. I was a little scared my skin was going to revolt but it hasn't. I keep waiting for it to explode on me, like a ticking time bomb but it just keeps getting better. I almost feel like if I talk about how good my skin is looking that it will explode on me. That and I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around the face that cheap over the counter stuff has made my face look better than it ever has. Ever. My texture is looking great, it's smoothing out. Not a single pustule and my pimples are healing and I don't have any new ones, my face is slightly pink by with a little makeup it's normal. It's pretty fucking amazing. Okay I am going to post picture and go back to bed. Full face and close ups. Happy 4th of July.

Day 27

Day 23, sorry I missed a day.

   Sorry I missed a day, my sister was in town from Texas and she is newly engaged so the day was filled with wedding stuff.  Yeah. Okay back to the face. My is looking really good, I have 2-3 actual pimples that are healing and have nothing to do with the rosacea, I'm just lucky like that and get pimples just because. The dry skin is starting to go away, I haven't done anything special but it's starting to go away. When I think about it I put some shea butter on it, but that is it. I did notice that my face flushed last night while eating crawfish, that sucked but I sure as hell am not giving up crawfish. First time I have flushed in a few days so I thought I would mention it.

   I have to say, I am STILL amazed that my face looks just as good now by using oils and natural products as it did when I was taking expensive meds that are not good for you anyway. I am actually confident enough with my face again that I am willing to go out in public with no makeup again. I have never been one of those girls that wears makeup to the store, so it's nice that I can go back to being mostly makeup free. I was going to do closeups of the dry scaly skin, but it's gone. The texture is improving which is good and I noticed that the large pores that I have had on my nose since I hit puberty are starting to get smaller. Nice bonus. Okay so on to the pictures.

Day 23

Day 21, Look at that I put on a shirt!

   Day 21, not much has changed. Sorry if this is kinda boring but I like that my face is becoming kind of boring. Still just using the tea tree oil/argan oil 50/50 mix, I will probably pick one day a week and due the nu-stock/coconut oil mixture just to make sure things stay at bay and do the borax soak every second or third day. I have been drinking the borax mixture everyday for the last 3 days, I don't seem to be having any negative side effects and I can't taste it so why not.

   My face is REALLY dry still despite the honey mask and the pure shea butter I have been putting on. I think this is making my face itch now and not the mites. It's a different itch, the mites you can actually feel moving and it's really gross. I still get that every once and I while and when I do I hit that spot with a dab of tea tree oil and laugh an evil laugh as they die. Boowawahahahahaha. Yeah, kinda like that. So now I just have to find a balance to keeping the mites under control and keeping my face from cracking like the desert landscape. It's not so obvious unless you are right in my face like I am in the mirror all the time or if I am wearing makeup which I don't do a whole lot. So yeah, that is about it for now. Picture time! Oh and I was even nice enough to put on a shirt for you this time. Feeling fancy.....your welcome. One last thing, I haven't been doing close ups because there really isn't anything to see like the bazillions of p&p before but tomorrow when the sun is back I will try to get close ups so you can see how everything looks and how dry my skin is. Any tips on helping with that would be much appreciated!

Day 21

Day 20...and I'm feeling good.

   So it is now day 20 on my journey. I feel like it has been so much longer than that, it has been such an up and down 20 days. I haven't done the nu-stock in a few days, I think it is so harsh it isn't something I can do daily, maybe a once a week thing. I mean it REALLY does a big kill when you use it so it is worth it but it really is drying. Last night my face was so dry I just felt like I had this layer of dry dead skin that nothing was penetrating so I did an exfoliate with honey. So much better now, my face feels soft and smooth, such a nice change.

   Last night I did another borax bath, I soaked for about 20 minutes. My whole body loves it, even my dry feet are softer, it's pretty amazing stuff. I didn't want to mention this until I was sure I was going to stick with it but the last two days I have been doing the internal borax also. You can read more about it here. I don't recommend anyone doing anything that I am doing, I am just telling you what I do and documenting MY results. Also just because I have a particular result doesn't mean you will have the same results.

  Basically I have mixing 1/8th teaspoon of borax with a liter of water and sipping it throughout the day/night. It seems like such a little amount that it wouldn't do anything but I haven't been wanting to scratch my skin off so that is good. I can't taste it and I haven't had any other issues with it so far so I am sticking with it. I swear I am throwing everything I can find at these mites. Tea tree oil, nu-stock, honey, borax, everything lol. And just so people don't think I see something and just do it I do a LOT of reading, research and contemplating before trying any of these things and I suggest you do the same. Okay now on to the pictures.

These pictures are pretty accurate to color and everything. I am making horrible faces because the sun is shining right on face and in my eyes. But with all that natural light comes the most accurate pictures. I have one pimple under my nose that is healing and everything else that you see is drying up and healing. Nothing new and active, I just wish my texture would improve but I am sure it will over time and after everything heals completely.

Day 20

It's update time.

   So yesterday I actually left my house and went out into public and only one person commented on my face, which is normal. So yesterday I did the 8:1 in the morning, shea butter once when I got home, put on the 1:1 before bed and that was it.

   I haven't been having the creepy crawly feeling as much although when I was at the movies yesterday and all the lights where out there was once or twice when I did. Today when I work up I only had 1 p&p which is amazing! I don't know if I ever had that even on the oracea. My face is more pink and still healing. The texture is still rough and bumpy from the p&ps healing and it's still dry so I will keep up with the shea butter since it seems to be helping with the flaky spots.

   Oh before I forget, one thing if you are using the tto make sure you overlap it on your lips a little bit. I noticed I had gotten a lot of p&p on the edge of my lips where I had never gotten them before and I think it's because I wasn't putting the tto that close to my mouth and they ran for cover. I also take it down to my neck. I am telling you if you miss a spot these little fuckers will find it and hide out. I had NEVER had a p&p on my forehead till I started doing this and as first I just treated my problem areas and they migrated, now I do my whole body. Shampoo and conditioner, body soap and oils on my entire face and neck. Okay on to the pictures!

Day 10

What I looked like until June 5th

   So just in case anyone was wondering what my skin looked like prior to this here is a few pictures taken on May 23, 2013. We were outside swimming so I obviously have no makeup on just sunscreen. I had previously had p&p with some redness but it has been over a year and never as bad as now. May of 2012 I had 3 laser treatments to zap spider veins in my cheeks and I had been on oracea for over a year. Like I said my skin wasn't perfect but I could live with it, now.....well look at my pictures from this morning. I still wonder if me coming back to New Orleans or something in my house isn't a contributing factor. I had run out of Oracea for over a week in California and my skin still looked good but the day after I came home, it went to shit. Anyways, just thought I would share what my skin was like previously. 

                                                    My boyfriend, I miss him so much!