Day 31, All good things must come to an end

   So my face was beautiful and it was really nice but all good things must come to an end. Actually it's not bad, I did develop a few p&p today but nothing bad. I knew it was coming so I am not freaking out....Yet. I went back and looked at the time line and it said

Week 2-3:During this period, you’ll experience the most severe breakout of the entire treatment. Your skin will become more dry and clusters of bumps similar to a mosquito bite might surface in affected areas. Don’t become alarmed or disgruntled during this difficult time. If you experience a breakout, it’s due to the dead demodex mites under your skin. As their bodies decay, the demodex produces bacteria inside the follicles of your skin. Once the bacteria is gone, the bumps will disappear and healthy skin will be revealed.  ( Yep, This is pretty much what happened. They could have warned how bad this would be)

Week 4:Noticeable improvements to your skin will become apparent. (Yep, my skin has been beautiful as you have seen)

Week 5-7:You’ll experience a series of light rashes and breakouts during this period. It won’t be nearly as bad as the initial “die-off” stage during weeks 2 and 3, but it might seem like a setback (it’s not). These breakouts are caused by the decaying demodex mites that recently hatched from the eggs of the demodex parents killed weeks prior. After this group of offspring are eliminated, you’ll begin enjoying clear and healthy skin.  (This is me now, it better not be as bad as before!) 

   So I have reached week 5 and now I am having some more die off which in return means p&p. My face isn't red and there is not as many in the usual areas, they are more on my temples and sides of my face where before they were mostly on my chin and cheeks. I have reached week 5, I'm not calling it a setback just part of the process. Like I said I just hope it doesn't get AS bad as before. 

   I decided to go ahead and do the nu-stock tonight. I might do it every few days through these next weeks but not everyday, it's just too strong. I forgot to take pictures until after I had applied it already so sorry about looking greasy and kinda gross, also it's night time so I didn't get good natural light pictures but you get the idea. Not bad, but not as good as it was. Also sorry I look a little crazy, I have been sick and feel like crap. 

Day 31

Day 18. Make it stop

   Working all night gave me the pleasure of feeling them at their most active time instead of sleeping through it. Let me tell you, I am surprised I still have a face I wanted to scratch it off so bad. I am trying really hard not to scratch so I kind of pat instead which turned into smacking. So basically all night I was beating the shit out of myself. I sure hope this couple doesn't have a nanny cam or they are going to think I am insane. I could feel them on my face, and on my head the worst but they are now moving down to my chest and back. I would take pictures of my chest to show you the pustules popping up there but I am trying to keep this PG 13 except for language.

   Have you ever seen that show 1,000 ways to die? If not the premise of the show is reenactments of stupid shit people did that killed them. Snorted ants, tapeworm diet, college age guys participating in stupid bets or pranks, you get the drift. Well I have a feeling I am going to end up on this show when I die trying to figure out a way to rid my body of these damn mites. They are driving me INSANE. So because they are driving me insane I have resorted to putting animal mange medicine on my face, bathing in laundry detergent and now I am about to start drinking laundry detergent because the topical shit isn't cutting it, and if I really have to I will be going for the horse dewormer next. And this my friends, is how I am going to end up on that stupid show 1,000 ways to die.

   Okay I'm tired, on to the pictures and off to bed. Sorry if they are not THAT accurate I just got out the shower so I'm a little more flushed than normal. OH I almost forgot, just a FYI if you are treating your lashes with tto and you accidentally use the 50/50 bottle instead of the 1:8 bottle and your eyelids feel like they are frying first, DON'T PUT WATER ON THEM, it only makes it worse, but do coat them in coconut oil and it makes them stop burning immediately. Not that this has happened to me or anything, just something I heard somewhere.

Day 18

Day 16 I feel like my face is f*cking with me

   Seriously, I feel like it is playing with my emotions. Like it does well and then BAM bad day just to fuck with me and then goes back to doing well. So, ready for my theory? I did the nu-stock with the coconut oil on Thursday night and was fine, I think that did a MASSIVE extermination. Friday I was fine because my body wasn't reacting to the dead mites yet, I tried to mix the nu-stock with the argan oil but the argan oil isn't a strong enough oil to counteract how strong the nu-stock is and that is why it started to burn and I took it off. Also the argan absorbs quicker and better than coconut oil so I think it drew it deeper into my skin and more of it than the coconut oil. Just glad I took it off. But yesterday all of the mites started to breakdown and that is what our body reacts to so that is why my face looked like hell. It was reacting to the overload of hundreds of dead mites.

   So last night I diluted the nu-stock even further with coconut oil and applied it to my entire face and below and behind my ears because I had been itchy there too lately, like they are making a run for it. I figured my face was already beet red and broke out, why stop now, just push through it.

   Today I woke up and I didn't have a single pustule. Not one. My face is still redish but not like yesterday and my forehead is COVERED in bumps (well now my whole face is) but no pustule. Now let me explain what I define as pustule, a pustule to me is a raised lesion with a white head on it that looks like it needs so be popped, there are shallower than pimples and usually go away once they have been popped. They usually show up and leave withing 24 hours. It's like it's a toxin that is expelled through my skin and when it's expelled it's gone, unlike a pimple which is a clogged pore that likes to get big and hang around.

   So my forehead has hundreds of these tiny bumps all over it and I can't decide if they are dead mites or an allergic reaction to the nu-stock. I am going to do a test patch on my forearm to see how my sink reacts to the mixture I used last night. I have to say my face does itch like crazy. But if the nu-stock can kill off that many mites at once, I will keep using it at least once a week to knock these suckers out. Also I am going to do a borax bath later to treat the rest of my body. Okay I have a lot of pictures today, full face, close ups and a comparison with yesterday so you can see how insane my skin is. The forehead ones you can't really see how many bumps there are. Right now the texture of my skin is fucked.  P.S. Sorry for the serial killer eyes.

Day 16

   

Day 15, this is really bad

   So I knew it would get worse, I never thought it would get this bad. My face possible looks the worst it ever has, EVER. I don't know if it was the nu-stock or a big die off of mites or what but it is super bad. My face looks like a strawberry, it's slightly swollen, it hurts and I woke up to about 100 tiny pustules, to many to count. I was in shock when I looked in the mirror this morning. I mean I guess it's a good thing that I managed to kill off that many mites but damn, I am not leaving my house unless I HAVE to. I usually on show the close ups but today I am going to show close ups and my full face so you can get the full effect. That's all I can say right now. I am going to go cry now. Warning you may not want to look at these pictures.

*Update to original. Please do a test patch to see how you react to Nu-Stock before using it, I do end up having an unpleasant response to it (as you can see here) and I'm not sure if it was an allergic reaction or if my skin is just really sensitive. I would recommend putting a tiny bit either on your forearm or under your jawline first and waiting at least 2 days to see how you react before putting it on your entire face.**

Day 15

Nu-stock update

   Okay, so I woke up to my face feeling flushed. Not sure what that is about, but it is warm to the touch and it is flushed in areas I don't usually flush. Alright let me back up to last night. So last night I tried the nu-stock for the first time, scroll back a post and read my first thoughts on texture, smell etc.. So after I put it on I could tell it was working because I could feel the little buggers trying to make a run for it. My face kept itching, but not in a I think I am breaking out in hives way, like the mites are dying way. Also I think this stuff gets into your bloodstream cause it was like I could taste is a little in the back of my throat. The itching did drive me a bit nuts and made it hard to sleep and actually I am a bit itchy right now.

   So when I woke up this morning I had about 20 tiny little pustules, and one bigger one. I think the bigger ones are maybe like little nest of them. You can't even see where the ones I had yesterday were, they come and go so quick. So that is a good and bad thing, it feels like a setback, but I think it's just the new ones hatching and being killed off, and it is following that timeline pretty well so I am just going to go with it and call it progress. Its still mentally and emotionally hard to look in the mirror and see your face covered in tiny little bumps and flushing and think of it as progress when 2 days ago you were just slightly pink and had one bump. I am trying really hard to not let it get me down.

   So on the nu-stock bottle is says apply every 3 days, so I think I will use it every 3 days and use the tto in between. I don't want to over do it with the nu-stock. Okay picture time.

**Update to original post. Please do a test patch to see how you react to Nu-Stock before using it, I do end up having an unpleasant response to it and I'm not sure if it was an allergic reaction or if my skin is just really sensitive. I would recommend putting a tiny bit either on your forearm or under your jawline first and waiting at least 2 days to see how you react before putting it on your entire face.**

Day 14

Itching.

   So when I woke up today I had a few more p&p, I had 5 in totally but still beats waking up to 20-30! Plus I now know that I p&p means a dead mite so victory to me!! My face all and all continues to improve, same thing 8:1 in the am, shea butter on dry spots and 1:1 at night plus the shampoo, conditioner and soap.

    I have noticed tonight that my face is REALLY itchy and so is my scalp and eyes. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad but I know it is annoying. Sometimes when I am in public I become super aware of my scratching and people looking at me, maybe I am just overly paranoid but whatever, what can you do? There is nothing worse than an itch you can not scratch. Sometimes at night my face will itch so much that I can't go to sleep. I don't know if anyone else deals with this but if so, how?! Seriously, email me, comment whatever but let me know how.

   My face in general looks better, a few of the p&p I have been getting are in areas I never got them before, high on my cheeks, my nose and forehead. I usually just get them around my mouth and chin but I guess with me treating my whole face they are dying off on my whole face. It's so weird to me how they have always been in a concentrated area, I wonder why. Also why I don't have the same reaction on other parts of my body.

   Ok well on to the pictures, today I took pictures in two different lights so you can see the progress. I am not really sure which shows it better so I will just post both! You can see how faded the red is and how it is more of a pinkish tone. Now the texture is my biggest problem, it's really hard to hide the texture with makeup.

Day 11

 This was indirect natural light

These are direct natural light.

Random thoughts and a slight rant.

   So the reason I named this blog "it's just your face" isn't because I feel that your face is not important (if that was the case I wouldn't bother with a blog about mine) but because that is what I kept being told. "whats the big deal, it's just your face" Just your face? Are you kidding me!! Other than your general health, when it comes to your body, what is more important than your face? Your face is YOU. No one else has your face, other people have arms, legs, boobs, no one else has your face, it's yours alone. It's how people identify you, and how people judge you, it's the first thing people see, it's how people remember you, you can't hide it, it's right there front and center for people to stare at, judge and criticize. When something is wrong with your face people assume something is wrong with you.

   People in general tend to not think before they talk but when it comes to commenting on your face either, people tend to be more blunt. I have walked into work and people say things such as "Ohhh what happened to your face?" "Are you feeling okay? Because you are not looking okay" "Wow! You got some sun over the weekend" (I never left my house -_-)

   Today was hard day, I had to explain to a friend why I didn't go to her gallery show last night making me a lame friend. I didn't go to clinicals today because I didn't want to be seen out like this, and when my mom came home I was in tears. When she asked what was wrong I just looked at her and said "really!?" She knew. He response was "You know it probably doesn't look as bad to other people as it does to you, most people probably won't even notice. I think your making a bigger deal out of it than it really is." I asked her how would she feel if she woke up tomorrow and looked in the mirror and saw her face like this. She just got up and left. Yep, that's what I thought. It's so easy for other people to dismiss it, or be like "it's no big deal" and that is only because it's not their face. Let their face suddenly become flaming red and burn like the dickens or break out in dozens of painful pustules and let's see how long it's no big deal.

    I also don't think people understand the PHYSICAL pain and discomfort someone with rosacea deals with, I think they just think it's a red or pimpley face and that's it. They don't understand that your face feels like its on fire, the don't understand the throbbing feeling, that it feels swollen or tight and that even just splashing it with water to try to rinse it can hurt because it is so sensitive to outside stimulus. There is nothing worse than your facing feeling hot like it's on fire but you can't sit in front of a fan to cool it off because the breeze of the fan hurts your delicate skin. Rosacea is so much more than meets the eye. *Sigh*

   Well, I will end this on a funny lesson that may or may not come from personal experience. So if you happen to be walking through lets say a Whole Foods and a sales associate comes up to you and asks you if you need help the proper response might not be "Sure! See I found out that the reason my face is looking like this is I have face mites and I hear tea tree oil kills them so I am looking for everything tea tree oil!" See if you have the need to explain your condition DON'T. They might just look at you with horror, then disgust and take a few steps away from you. Or so I have heard....from a friend....who also has face mites. 

What I looked like until June 5th

   So just in case anyone was wondering what my skin looked like prior to this here is a few pictures taken on May 23, 2013. We were outside swimming so I obviously have no makeup on just sunscreen. I had previously had p&p with some redness but it has been over a year and never as bad as now. May of 2012 I had 3 laser treatments to zap spider veins in my cheeks and I had been on oracea for over a year. Like I said my skin wasn't perfect but I could live with it, now.....well look at my pictures from this morning. I still wonder if me coming back to New Orleans or something in my house isn't a contributing factor. I had run out of Oracea for over a week in California and my skin still looked good but the day after I came home, it went to shit. Anyways, just thought I would share what my skin was like previously. 

                                                    My boyfriend, I miss him so much!

Just some random info

   So I went into my bathroom closet to see if any of the products I currently own have sulfur in them (they don't) and then just look at the ingredients of all the crap I have tried and failed with on my face and realized I have a lot of skin care items. About a 6 months ago I went through it and threw away about half of it and only kept "the good stuff" and I still have 37 items in my closet. That is a lot of creams, lotions and cleansers. I have from expensive Oscar de la Renta lotion and expensive creams from overseas to cheap Bag Balm from the drug store and everything in between. I wonder how much damage this has done to my face and how much money I have spent? That doesn't even count the prescription stuff. I must have spent a fortune and I have ended up no better off. Well hopefully the cheap, natural, less is more way will work. That's all. 

Crap

So I woke up this morning and first thought was, well my face FEELS good....then I looked in the mirror. Crap. My face might FEEL good but it looks like SHIT. I don't know if it is because I used a wash cloth to wash it last night (that's my thought since it burned) or if it is just more mites dying off. Supposedly each p&p is a dead mite which means they are dying off and I should be happy, but having your face look like this makes it really hard to be happy.  Oh and I found a way to take pictures that shows my skin more accurately.
Day 6

I think I made a mistake.

   So tonight my face (mostly chin) was extra scabby feeling and crusty feeling so I decided to use a wash cloth to kind of exfoliate it...big mistake. My face started stinging right away and I knew I shouldn't have done that. I usually don't use a wash cloth on my face, I just use my fingers lightly. WHY DID I CHOSE TO DO THIS!! Anyways I got of the shower and my face was RED and you could see where every little p&p is at and I must have about 40 of them. There was a spot that I though was a pimple but apon closer inspection it is just a cluster of p&p.

   So tonight I am putting on the wash and let it soak for about 30 minutes and then I will slather on the argan & tto before bed. During the beginning of the day my face feels good, no burning or flushing and the p&ps don't have pressure but by the end of the day I get more flushing, and the p&ps feel like a zit that needs to be popped (gross sorry). So I think when I wake up I am going to slather on more argan/tto mix or do a coconut/tto mix to see if it helps during the day. I wish I could figure out how to take pictures that shows how bad it is IRL.
 

Day 5

      So last night I took a shower with all of my new tto products, they all have that same tto smell which is strong but I am getting use to it. After my shower I put on the wash and didn't rinse. After about an hour all of the oils had absorbed but the honey left my face feeling kind of sticky so I went ahead and just splashed some warm water on my face to get rid of it. Also almost immediately my eyes started getting gritty, dry and itchy. If you look up close you can see the white dots along the lash line but you can only see it if you look really close.  Also my eyes were kind of dry so I put in some eye drops to help. When I was in the shower I used the soap on my lashes and sat for a few minutes with my eyes closed. Right before bed I covered my face and neck with the argan /tto mixture and then used just what was left on my fingers and ran it across my eyes and lashes. It didn't burn or anything just felt kind of menthol like but it wasn't painful or anything. For the record I am not suggesting that any one else should do this I am just telling you what I am doing. 

     When I woke today I had a bunch of tiny  p&p but nothing big and new. I know from what I have read that it gets worse before it gets better and not to expect big improvements any time soon that I have to wait for a couple of life cycles before they are really under control, still sucks. My face isn't as red as it was  and the burning, fire face feeling has diminished greatly. I do notice that about half way through the day it will start to creep back so I might carry some oil with me to put on when that happens. The areas of my face that are not affected are really soft and smooth, I really hope that one day all of my face will look and feel that way. So for now I'm just going to keep with it and taking pictures of the journey. 

Day 4

     Okay so my face has been really dry and flaky so I have decided to not do the ACV anymore, also it was stinging when I applied it so, no more of that. I also made a few other changes last night, I put on the wash  that I made but I didn't rinse it off I just let it soak in. Also I have been using argan oil for a few months and it has really helped with my dry, scaly skin and my skin sucks up like crazy so I added some TTO oil to it and hopefully the argan oil will pull the TTO into my skin with it when it absorbs.

    So back to the regime, slathered my face with the wash but I didn't rinse and watched tv for a little to see how it would absorb and it absorbed better than I thought it would. Right before I went to bed I covered my face in the argan and tto because I know that absorbs pretty quick. Not long after I got to bed I knew it was working because I could FEEL them and it really freaked me out. Okay now on to the pictures.

Day 4

Okay so redness is getting better, p&ps are getting better and drying up, I did wake up with one really big throbbing zit under my lip that you can see in the last picture. Nice right. Anyways one big difference I had this morning is my eyes were super itchy and crusty and watery and my scalp has been itching like crazy all day. So with that being said I am pretty positive it is the mites. From what I have read from other people doing the treatments they will run to these areas that don't have the TTO and look for safety. You could actually see the little white dots on my eye lashes like in this picture (it's pretty gross) I tried to get a picture but it's really tiny (still really gross). So with that discovery I have decided it's game on, all out war time! Me vs demodex rosacea. So today I went to the store and bought an arsenal of products to combat this and try to get my skin back! I would like to also include that along with these products I plan on trying to maintain a beef, pork and poultry free diet. I already know I am not perfect and I will occasionally eat one of those products so don't bash me for it later but for the most part I will be cutting that out of my diet. I did this before and not only did I feel better and lose weight really easily but my skin looked better.  So this is what I bought today

Tea Tree Oil Shampoo
Tea Tree Oil Conditioner
Tea Tree Oil
Tea Tree Oil soap for face and body
Probiotics
Shea Butter

So tonight I will start my full body eradication and I will keep this updated. Wish me luck!

The first few days of war.

So since I am starting this journal on day 4 of my battle I will just kind of condense those 4 days here. First how I found out about the demodex mites was by looking for any type of help here, on a rosacea forum. From there I read a bunch of medical articles talking about the link to mites and rosacea and it made sense and the pictures looked a lot like my face and well, what do I have to lose. So in doing more research on tea tree oil I found this recipe on a blog and it seemed to have good results for other people and I had all of the ingredients so...why not.

So this is my before pictures. Really the pictures don't show how BAD it is in real life. The pictures don't show how red it really is or how bad the texture is. It's bad. I have the orange peel texture, LOTS of p&ps and lots of crusty dry scabs. Yummy. Oh and it HURTS! It burns and feels hot, all I want to do is dunk my face in a bowl of ice water.
                                   

So that night I mixed up the recipe from here but I added 1/4 cup coconut oil and a splash more olive oil and upped the TTO to 1 1/2 tsps.  I had a hard time mixing the honey, it just does not want to blend at all, I even used a blender and nothing. Since the coconut oil is solid at room temperature I soaked the bottle in warm water before use to melt it and it seemed to help the honey melt a little and mix better so problem solved! Maybe.

Okay first thoughts, it stinks.. I can deal with the smell, so I put it on, rub for a few seconds and wash it off by splashing some warm water on my face (I have dry skin so leaving some oil seemed like a good idea). And went to bed. The next morning I used the wash again and took pictures

Day 1

    Okay, so I know day one looks worse in pictures but in person it actually looked better. My face was WAY    Less red but there was still p&p. Also doing more research I had red the Apple Cider Vinegar is suppose to be good for rosacea also so I decided to try that. So I used the ACV, let it dry then did the wash morning and then at night.

Day 2

Okay, so day 2 looked even better, the p&p are drying up and the redness is diminished. I know it still looks like crap and its hard to see any difference in the pictures but I promise there is a change. Same thing this day ACV followed by wash morning and night.

Day 3

Okay still nothing dramatic but you can see that it is a little less red, and the p&p are starting to heal. So I will keep up with this and see where it takes me.