Oh yeah

    So when I did my update I forgot to mention that not only has my skin been looking great but I have also been putting it through hell. Living in New Orleans we have a lot of social clubs and krewes and groups and I joined one! I am a member of a bone krewe called Skinz N Bonez. Anyways, we dress up as dia de los muertos or day of the dead for events and parades and such, and being in New Orleans we have a bunch of these types of events. So what does this have to do with my face? I have been putting it through hell with all of the makeup and glue and glitter and it has been staying pretty consistent. I get a pimple every now and then but who wouldn't with all of this. So here is a few pictures of the things I have been putting my face through.

End of the day rant.

   So, today sucked. I am just really bummed out and depressed and just wanted to lay in bed and cry but I didn't get to do that. I had to go drop a placenta off to a client (I do placenta encapsulation) and she had a house full of people. I just wanted to hide my face but she wanted to invite me in to see the baby and meet everyone. It was really nice of her but did she not see my strawberry face and that I needed to be hidden from public! On my way home I remembered I need to go to Walmart to pick up my meds. Shit, there is no way to walk into a Walmart anywhere in the country and not see someone you know. I could go to one in Alaska and see someone I know. It's ridiculous. Of course when I get there its not ready so I have to sit and wait. I try to sink and disappear but it doesn't happen. For some reason the other people there wanted to engage me in conversation. People! Again, can you not see my strawberry face and the slouching and wanting to disappear! LEAVE ME ALONE. So I finally get home and my mother, aunt, gmaw and niece show up..... Can I PLEASE just go bury my head under a pillow and hide people! Apparently not. So by this point I am upset, stressed, and at my breaking point when my mother wants computer lessons and my niece wants to watch a movie that I can't find. And then because I am snapping I am the mean, bitchy person. Also for all of the people that asked me today (and there were more than a few) If your face looked like this do you THINK it would hurt?! YES! Yes, if fucking hurts. It BURNS! Just a slight change in temperature BURNS and I am living in the swamp where it is 70 or below in a building and about 100 outside with 100% humidity. You LOOKING at...that hurts. Yes I have been to a doctor, no it is not contagious, yes I think I should put something on it. Thank god you were here for those suggestions because I would have never thought of that. Oh and the "If you think your face hurts, well it's killing me jokes" are old. Try something new. Goodnight.

P.S. My forehead, that never, ever gets bumps is covered in them. I wish you could see how bad in the picture but oh well

Random thoughts and a slight rant.

   So the reason I named this blog "it's just your face" isn't because I feel that your face is not important (if that was the case I wouldn't bother with a blog about mine) but because that is what I kept being told. "whats the big deal, it's just your face" Just your face? Are you kidding me!! Other than your general health, when it comes to your body, what is more important than your face? Your face is YOU. No one else has your face, other people have arms, legs, boobs, no one else has your face, it's yours alone. It's how people identify you, and how people judge you, it's the first thing people see, it's how people remember you, you can't hide it, it's right there front and center for people to stare at, judge and criticize. When something is wrong with your face people assume something is wrong with you.

   People in general tend to not think before they talk but when it comes to commenting on your face either, people tend to be more blunt. I have walked into work and people say things such as "Ohhh what happened to your face?" "Are you feeling okay? Because you are not looking okay" "Wow! You got some sun over the weekend" (I never left my house -_-)

   Today was hard day, I had to explain to a friend why I didn't go to her gallery show last night making me a lame friend. I didn't go to clinicals today because I didn't want to be seen out like this, and when my mom came home I was in tears. When she asked what was wrong I just looked at her and said "really!?" She knew. He response was "You know it probably doesn't look as bad to other people as it does to you, most people probably won't even notice. I think your making a bigger deal out of it than it really is." I asked her how would she feel if she woke up tomorrow and looked in the mirror and saw her face like this. She just got up and left. Yep, that's what I thought. It's so easy for other people to dismiss it, or be like "it's no big deal" and that is only because it's not their face. Let their face suddenly become flaming red and burn like the dickens or break out in dozens of painful pustules and let's see how long it's no big deal.

    I also don't think people understand the PHYSICAL pain and discomfort someone with rosacea deals with, I think they just think it's a red or pimpley face and that's it. They don't understand that your face feels like its on fire, the don't understand the throbbing feeling, that it feels swollen or tight and that even just splashing it with water to try to rinse it can hurt because it is so sensitive to outside stimulus. There is nothing worse than your facing feeling hot like it's on fire but you can't sit in front of a fan to cool it off because the breeze of the fan hurts your delicate skin. Rosacea is so much more than meets the eye. *Sigh*

   Well, I will end this on a funny lesson that may or may not come from personal experience. So if you happen to be walking through lets say a Whole Foods and a sales associate comes up to you and asks you if you need help the proper response might not be "Sure! See I found out that the reason my face is looking like this is I have face mites and I hear tea tree oil kills them so I am looking for everything tea tree oil!" See if you have the need to explain your condition DON'T. They might just look at you with horror, then disgust and take a few steps away from you. Or so I have heard....from a friend....who also has face mites. 

What I looked like until June 5th

   So just in case anyone was wondering what my skin looked like prior to this here is a few pictures taken on May 23, 2013. We were outside swimming so I obviously have no makeup on just sunscreen. I had previously had p&p with some redness but it has been over a year and never as bad as now. May of 2012 I had 3 laser treatments to zap spider veins in my cheeks and I had been on oracea for over a year. Like I said my skin wasn't perfect but I could live with it, now.....well look at my pictures from this morning. I still wonder if me coming back to New Orleans or something in my house isn't a contributing factor. I had run out of Oracea for over a week in California and my skin still looked good but the day after I came home, it went to shit. Anyways, just thought I would share what my skin was like previously. 

                                                    My boyfriend, I miss him so much!

I am a woman who has become obsessed.

     So right now I am not working, I just got back from a month long trip to California and I haven't picked up any clients since I have been back. This has resulted in two things, me being broke and stressed, and me being obsessed with my face and how horrible it looks. I was just looking at pictures of me from two weeks ago with no makeup swimming and my skin was beautiful. Not perfect but as close to perfect as it gets for me. Depressing.

   So since I am currently not working and I refuse to leave my house unless it is related to school I have had a lot of spare time on my hands. What have I been doing with that spare time you ask? Obsessing over my face and how to cure it. For some reason in my head if I fix my face I will all of a sudden have a better life. I will have tons of friends and I will do things and I will go places and everything will be great. I know this is not true. All that will happen is I will sit at home and have a normal face. So now I just spend HOURS researching and looking for cures or fixes for rosacea that do not include me going to the doctor since I don't have insurance. I am pretty sure by the end of the week I will be an expert on all things rosacea, demodex mites and sub derm. I don't know why I am researching sub derm since I don't have it, but you never know, my skin is fickle like that.

   My face has had a few flashes on and off today, none lasting more than 30 minutes or so but man those 30 minutes seem to last FOREVER. Another thing I was thinking about is I ran out of oracea when I was still in California and my face remained fine, but the day after I returned back to New Orleans BAM! it was bad. I am wondering if it was coincidence and the oracea took a while to work it's way out of my system or if there is something in my house that is setting my face off or if it is the weather and humidity down here. Hmmm. Going to have to ponder that a while....or research it.

   One last thing, I ordered some nu-stock sulfur cream today, it should be in next week. I am not sure when I will try it or how often, I will have to go research that too.